Please don't do that on a first date / ever

Posted by Bryan Munchen on 28 December 2009 | 1 Comments

Tags: LA dating, Los Angeles, Advice from Men

Please disregard the following posting if you’re 21 or under, but for the rest of you single, actively-dating women, seeking non-d-bag dudes, please don’t do the following on a first date:

ORDER A DRINK WITH RED BULL IN IT –
Several months ago I took a girl out for cocktails. She was 28 years of age (probably still is…I never found out her birthday). Round comes the waitress and, to my horror, she non-ironically orders a “Ketel & Red Bull,” as if a long night of raving and/or wakeboarding were in our future. You know what they say about first impressions…

I tried to give her a chance, but that drink just SCREAMS sophomore year, Spring-Break-in-Havasu, head-out-the-limo-roof, and it turns out (sadly), I was right. She ordered three more (in an hour) and then asked me to go “clubbing” (a bad verb).

You don’t need to order an 18 yr Macallan neat, but for the sake of grown-upness, save the Red Bull for your next BMX event.
See also: Smirnoff Ice.

STARE AT YOUR PHONE –
Nothing slams shut the window of conversation like a good text message. Even IF your bf just “totally saw Shia Labouf at STK!!!” save your response for later (like, when you are alone). Rampant “phoning” has been the ruin of many a promising first date, so don’t be “that girl.” At least fake a pee run and hurry back.

If the guy you’re with does the texting, he’s a tool. Guys who text a lot tend be lame or 14 or both.

ORDER RABBIT FOOD –
If you’re looking for a guy who wants you to eat steamed veggies, the guy you’re gonna find will be a shithead. Order and eat what you want, the best looking thing on the menu cause, A.) He should be paying and 2.) We like chicks who eat.

True story: Several years ago I took a girl out to a rustic little Italian joint for a first date. En route she made a point of telling me she was “starving,” then proceeded to chow down on like, ½ a breadstick and some argula, leaving me no choice but to picture her that night at 3AM, obsessively mowing through her “secret stash” of Pringles and chocolate bars.

Yes, there is a double standard here. Yes, most guys want a girl with a good figure. Yes, don’t ask for “extra mayo.” But let us know you’re healthy and above all, fine with who you are. If you’re not, you’re not ready for a relationship.

PRETEND TO BE INTO SPORTS –
Fact: One of the sexiest (and most endearing) things a girl has ever said to me on a date was, “I don’t really give a crap about sports.”

Any guy who is ready for a real relationship has learned that finding Ms. Right does not mean finding Ms.LikesAllTheSameShitYouDo. They are rarely the same person. Personally, I do not fantasize about my GF shouting, “That was NOT pass interference!!!” all Sunday (nor do I wish she’d shout, “OMG, I NEED these Leboutins!). If she loves sports, fine, and if she doesn’t, fine. I’ve spent way too much time with girls who obviously believe they’re impressing me by quoting some left fielder’s on base percentage, as I sit there wondering, “What ex-boyfriend made her do this?” and “Would she be bummed if I gave my other playoff seat to Dave?” and “Where’s the effing check already???.”

In summary, please be an adult and please be yourself and you’ll get the same in return.