I'm Not Over My Ex

Ah, the dreaded problem of the ex – it’s quite the conundrum.You’re still not over that last relationship, so you don’t date, but you can’t really get over her until you start dating again. It’s a common problem, and it’s one we can help with.

As matchmakers, we frequently hear that people aren’t ready to get back out there after a bad breakp. Don’t get me wrong, we completely respect that, and we firmly believe that taking the time to heal after an important relationship is key to moving on. But we also find that people tend to dwell, which can ultimately prevent them from being open to their true match. Perhaps you keep looking at that picture of you two together. Perhaps you’re comparing everyone you meet to her. In your mind, no one will ever be her.

Well, you’re right – no one will ever be her – and that’s a good thing! Here are a few steps we tell our clients to take to get over an old flame, move on, and find their next relationship.

Identify the Good: A break-up can actually be extremely helpful in figuring out what you are looking for in a match. What was it specifically that you liked about that person? Was it their laugh? Their ambition? Their spontaneity? Think about the traits you liked, and tell your matchmaker to go find that.

Learn from the Bad: Your relationship ended for a reason, and it’s time to understand why. What would you have done differently? What lessons did you learn? Is this consistent with previous relationship patterns? Think long and hard about all of the bad aspects of your relationship, and this will only make you stronger in the next one.

Get Back Out There: Obviously, you know you need to start meeting people, but it can be hard to make yourself do it. Working with a matchmaker is a great way to guarantee you’ll get out and go on dates – we’ll find exactly what you’re looking for and set you up, so it’s much less intimidating.

Set a Timeline and Dating Goals: It might sound strange, but set a timeline for getting over someone. You can use the old adage about taking half the time your relationship lasted, or whatever makes sense, but put a note in your calendar for that future date. You’ll be surprised how quickly it comes up, and it can make the whole thing much more manageable. Next, tell yourself you’ll go on one date a month, or two, until you’ve worked up the courage again. You might actually find that you enjoy dating again! We can help make it fun.

Matchmakers have lots of tips for getting over an ex, and for finding the person you’re really meant to be with. So don’t hesitate to reach out – make 2015 the year you move forward.