What Do Women Really Want?

Lately, I’ve been working with our Matchmakers to prepare content for a series of intimate, tell-all events that Three Day Rule is hosting all across the country, giving single men tips on how to step up their dating game. The ultimate goal? Helping men like you end up with the girl you’ve always wanted.

As part of this work, I’ve been delving into the results of a survey I put together polling thousands of singles in Chicago, New York, San Francisco, and Los Angeles to get a pulse on the most pressing questions that single men have about women and dating.

Interestingly, 3 clear themes/questions have emerged from the survey data that I thought I’d share:

1. How do I win her over when I first meet her?

Whether it’s getting her to respond to you when you first approach her at a bar, or keeping her engaged during the first date, men still want to know the best ways to initially win her over…because let’s be real, first impressions matter.

When chatting about this topic with our Matchmakers, I started to realize that the work a guy has to do to get her interested is really no different than the work I do every day as a Matchmaker. It all comes down to one thing: your unique selling proposition (USP). What is the one thing about you that you’d like her to know about at the onset?

Figure out what that is and try to communicate that to her…in a subtle way. If you are struggling to come up with your USP, ask yourself: Why do your friends and family love you? What are you most passionate about? What drives you?

This will help you determine your USP.

3 Quick Tips to Increase Your Chances of Success With Her:
1. Be funny. What woman doesn’t love a man that makes her laugh? We’re much more forgiving of looks than men are and can warm up to almost any guy that has a great sense of humor. Relax, be light-hearted, and crack a funny joke. Note: It’s best to keep the sarcasm at a minimum in the beginning because people have different senses of humor and you don’t want to risk offending her initially.

2. Ask her questions and actively listen. Respond with engaging follow-up questions or commentary. This is key and proves that you are actually listening to her.

3. Initiate. if you have been exchanging glances with a woman all night, there’s a great chance that she’s interested in you, but shy. Make the first move and go over there to say hello. You have nothing to lose.

2. How do I tell if a woman is into me?

I found this one to be most fascinating. It seems like the most basic of questions, yet this still seems to be confounding single men everywhere. I could dedicate a whole blog post on this one, but for the sake of time, I’ll share a few quick tips from our Matchmakers:

  • Is she smiling and laughing at what you’re saying?

  • Is she touching her hair and leaning towards you?

  • Is she looking at you and focusing on what you’re saying?

  • Is she touching you? Is she allowing you to touch her? If you’re not sure what’s going on, touch her a little bit and gauge. If she will touch you back, she’s into it. if she shirks, not interested.

  • Is she complimenting you? Lightly teasing you?

If the answer to at least one of the above is yes, there’s an excellent chance she’s into it.

Side note: Some men have the opposite problem and interpret any time a woman so much as looks at him as an indicator of interest. This is not a bad thing — I’d rather have a guy be overly confident than lack the courage to make a move because her interest level was ambiguous. Once, during my freshman year in college, a guy that I shared a seminar class with came up to me and boldly ask me out. With twinkle in his eye, he started with, “I noticed you’ve been eyeing me all semester and laughing loudly at all my jokes so figured I would ask you out.” In fact, he had completely mis-read the situation (truth be told, I actually hadn’t really noticed him except for the fact that he sat directly across from me which explained our frequent eye contact). I ended up teasing him for his incredibly healthy ego, and then agreed to go out with him anyways. He didn’t end up being the One (surprise!), but you gotta give the guy props for at least trying/believing I was interested.

3. Why do nice guys finish last?

This is one of the biggest dating myths ever! The truth is, all women do want nice guys…with an edge. Think 80% nice, 20% edge. Yeah, you might have been told your whole life that girls like bad boys. But, classy ladies…the women that you want to end up with in the long run, don’t want that and won’t tolerate it. There’s a great adage out there that sums it up quite nicely: “Show a *girl** you don’t care and she’ll chase you. Show a woman you don’t care and she will replace you.”*

Ultimately, women do appreciate men that are considerate, generous, and present. We like it when you’re dependable and trustworthy, and follow through on commitments.

Where does the edge come in? While you should treat us well, make sure you have a backbone and set boundaries. Women don’t like men they can walk all over. We get bored and don’t feel stimulated (in more ways than one) over time. Have your own life and friends, passions, and unique interests (examples: we love it when you play in a rock band (even if it’s just you and your amateur buddies jamming out), are into adventurous sports like snowboarding, rock climbing or surfing, or are a corporate lawyer by day but badass motorcyclist by night).

Interested in learning more? Three Day Rule’s Matchmakers are hosting a series of intimate, tell-all events in Chicago, New York, San Francisco, and Los Angeles all throughout September to answer your most burning questions about women and dating. Click here to learn more and RSVP!